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DRWCOTW

First Ever, Second Annual.

By Gruber Images

January 26^th, 2017

announcement!

It is with great pleasure that the organizing committee of the Dirt Road World Championships of the World can finally make the official announcement announcing the announcement that the First Ever, Second Annual Dirt Road World Championships of the World will take place on Sunday, February 5th. Rain or shine. The ride/race will start from The Hub at 10am (with the Athens Window open - which means 10:15ish).

We more or less know the route, but we won't officially announce it until later next week. As it stands now, the entire ride will be about 155k, of which 120k will be raced, of which 66k is dirt. There will be a mandatory store stop, which might be catered with amazing BBQ.

the reigning champion.

A brief history: The Dirt Road World Championships of the World were run for the first (and only time) in 2008, and served as the boybutante ball for the emerging talent of Thomas Brown. Thomas Brown took his hard-earned victory beer over the battered and beaten, Adam Myerson, and sallied forth to an amazing career as a professional bicycle exercisist.

Needless to say, but I'll say it any way, because it needs saying: this is a race worth winning.

We're just not exactly sure about the race format yet.

It might be 120k of straight racing. It might be 120k of straight racing with a mandatory store stop. It might be TWO races with a mandatory BBQ lunch. It might be TWO races with a mandatory BBQ lunch and the second race is a handicap determined by the results of the first of two races. The options are limitless, but we will decide on an option this week.

imagining!

The reigning Dirt Road World Champion of the World is currently sitting next to the river in the ghost town of Scull Shoals, pondering ideas, imagining scheming plots full of intrigue and diabolicity to ensure that he will continue to enjoy the privilege of being DRWCOTW.

there will be crowe.

Thank Gawd, because without Crowe, this event would surely derail before we left the Hub parking lot. The honorable barrister, David Crowe, does not know that he has been appointed the head of the organizing committee for the First Ever, Second Annual Dirt Road World Championships of the World, yet. Thankfully, he has Rainman as his right-hand Rainman, so we'll all be ok. He's going to give a speech about riding at your own risk, and assuming all risk, in lawyer-y speak. Plus, we all know he just likes to talk in the bullhorn.

Crowe and Rainman will make the final decision on the race format. They don't know that yet. It's a surprise!

the spoils.

Men's and Women's winners will get a kiss from this hunk. If someone else would like to offer their services, we will gladly take applications.

there will be CASH!

Not much, but something. There will be an entry fee of between five and fifteen dollars, depending on what we can wrangle together this week. There are three possibilities for the entries:

If it's $5 - you're only paying for the purse (winner take all!)

If it's $10 - you're paying for the purse, and either the BBQ or sag.

If it's $15 - you're paying for the purse, BBQ, and sag.

Is that fair? Good.

If you can't manage the entry, we will take applications for Riders In Need of Outside Help, Because 5-15 Dollars Is A Lot Of Money For An Amazing Twice In A Lifetime Day (or, RINOOHB515DIALOMFAATIALD for short), which will be read and deliberated over by the organizing committee (that is, Crowe and Rainman). If they determine that you are a deserving case, you can expect 50% off the entry fee, but you have to pay in nickels. That money will then go to the purse, which will then be placed in Thomas's back pocket for the entire day. The burden of greatness will weigh heavily on his pockets.

stretching.

The aspiring Dirt Road World Championships of the World contender should consider stretching. All three of these machines are gifted stretchers, and their exercising resumes reflect that.

there will be dirt.

This event should not be confused with other, more reputable, events like Dirty Kanza or the Gravel Worlds. We are merely amateurs who like dirt, not gravel. Gravel is unpleasant and bumpy and requires special bikes. We like dirt around these parts, and do everything we can to avoid gravel, so while I might be riding a bike with 30s on it (I'm getting old and this back needs that plush ride), you can handle this on a perfectly normal road bike - just take care on those fast downhills.

I would recommend tubeless tires and/or 28's, or, if you're riding 25s or less, pump those rubber flotation devices to 130+.

come ride with these four stunners!

All four of these extremely mediocre bicycle exercisers will be in attendance. Paul (second from right) doesn't even know that he's taking part in the First Ever, Second Annual Dirt Road World Championships of the World yet. Gosh, he's in for a surprise!

Edit: You can only ride with three of these four stunners. The first one - that's Ryan Knapp - he has a previous engagement with a 'guest'. Guess we will see him at the First Ever, Third Annual Dirt Road World Championships Of The World - in 2026. That's why he isn't smiling.

there will be donkeys.

I promise. Ashley wouldn't take part in this event otherwise.

If all goes well...

You'll look like this at the end of the day. But smiling, so don't worry! I mean, what could possibly go wrong?

you won't see this.

But it's a cool picture, and you'll be near-ish to it, but it's a little too far away for the purposes of this ride. We have to stay focused!

there will be mechanicals.

So bring some tubes and tools and such. We might have a sag vehicle if someone is kind enough to drive one. In general though, always assume that you'll have to take care of yourself. I'm looking at you, John Butler (see right image).

there will be creek crossings!

There could be up to three. Hopefully, you will not have to walk across.

there will be dogs.

Rural Georgia homeowners do not believe in fences or chains. They saw Braveheart a long time ago and agreed with William Wallace: FREEDOM! Dogs exist in their natural, domesticated state - that is, without anything to hold them back. They often enjoy the pastime of chasing bicycle exercisers.

there will not be darkness.

At least, I really, really hope not.

in summation.

You should come out and ride bikes with us. It's going to be a blast, and it's possible this won't happen again for another nine years.

For more information: jeredgruber@gmail.com

I probably won't write back.

Juuuuust kidding.

For more up to date information (including ALL of the details), check out the Facebook page. We'll update that page throughout the next week with all the things.