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DRWCOTW 2020

First Ever, Fifth Annual.

By Gruber Images

February 5^th, 2020

ANNOUNCEMENT!

It is with great pleasure that the organizing committee of the Dirt Road World Championships of the World can finally make the official announcement announcing the announcement that the First Ever, Fifth Annual Dirt Road World Championships of the World will take place on Sunday, February 9th. Rain or shine...but it looks distinctly shiny!

The ride/race will start from The Hub at 10am (with the Athens Window open - which means 10:15ish). Emphasis on the ish. Check the link above for the address (or: 1220 South Milledge Avenue. Athens, GA)

THIS IS THE OFFICIAL ROUTE!

Take a look at it, download it, put it on your computer of choice, pay attention to it, use it. There are ZERO course markings on the race route. Finding your way via 21st century GPS device is part of the race. If you get lost - don't worry - you're never all that far from the finish.

We will ride out neutral for the first ten miles (and back again after the race).

From the intersection of Wolfskin and Black Snake, we will start the race. It will be 81k of nonstop entertainment from the start to the finish - which is very close to the start - but a lifetime away in terms of all the adventure that awaits you along the way!

The race finishes at the Oconee County Sign on Wire Bridge/Belmont Road (the road changes names right at the county sign).

This is a handicap race, so there will be THREE groups: A, B, C. We don't announce the time gaps until we're at the start, because we don't know, and we like to gauge the on-site talent pool to make sure we don't give TOO big of a gap to the front groups. Last year, I think we gave the C group something like 12 minutes and the B group got 8 minutes.

Handicapping the race might sound silly (which is a goal of this race), but it's a fun way to keep a large chunk of people actually a part of the race, rather than having a race blow to pieces in the first two minutes, and then everyone straggles around. I mean, it's still going to blow up, and everyone will still end up straggling around, but it's more forward focused. I think.

THE DIRT!

I'm going to use kilometers here, because they make sense, and they're how I think about distance. If you don't like it - and I'm looking at you, Thomas - convert them to miles.

Black Snake: km 0-5 (5k)
Hutchins-Wolfskin: km 9-16 (7k)
Bear Mill Triangle: km 18.2-25.6 (7.4k)
Lexington Loop: km 28.4-39.1 (10.7k) longest section of paved road follows: just under 10k.
McWhorter: km 48.6-53.7 (5.1k) take a deep breath, because the fun is about to begin.
The Big One: km 56-78 (22k) - it's 3k from the bridge to the Oconee County Line!

That's 57k of dirt spread across six sections - in 81k. Needless to say, but I will say it anyway, you don't have to worry about spending too much time on pavement!

There are much longer races out there, but I think we all could stand for some shorter fun races (also, if it were any longer, Thomas wouldn't show up - I have to keep the champ happy). Joking aside - there is nothing to be gained by increasing the distance on this route. In fact, most everything we did this year was with the idea of trimming off the fat and making sure we have the most interesting, shortest race route we could manage. We rode it yesterday: it's sufficiently crippling. I promise.

ONE RACE - NO STORE STOP!

There will be NO Store Stop. Unlike in years past, this will be ONE race - instead of the two-part epic with a store stop sandwiched in the middle. It will make things easier, gobble up less of a day, and hopefully, make things a little smoother on the ol legs. There's little in the world of bikes that hurts more than starting Race #2 of the DRWCOTW. If you haven't had the privilege of experiencing that, be grateful. :-)

If you'd like a snack or a bottle of some variety at the finish, pack a small backpack, bar bag, something - and you can drop it off at the finish area-ish. There's also water at the church at the finish. If you need more, it's about twenty minutes back to the outskirts of Athens.

The Reigning Champion.

A brief history: The Dirt Road World Championships of the World were run for the first time in 2008, and served as the boybutante ball for the emerging talent of Thomas Brown. Thomas Brown took his hard-earned victory beer over the battered and beaten, Adam Myerson, and sallied forth to an amazing career as a professional bicycle exercisist.

Needless to say, but I'll say it any way, because it needs saying: this is a race worth winning.

2008: Thomas Brown - the win that started everything.

2017: Jered Gruber - still cries when he sees his name on the honor roll.

2018: Jonathan Atwell - promptly retired to become a professional hobbyist mountain biker and skimo-man - because there was nowhere to go but down after that.

2019: Thomas Brown - defied the years and Frank Travieso to take the win.

Imagining!

The reigning Dirt Road World Champion of the World is currently sitting next to the river in the ghost town of Scull Shoals, pondering ideas, imagining scheming plots full of intrigue and diabolicity to ensure that he will continue to enjoy the privilege of being DRWCOTW.

There Will Be Crowe.

Thank Gawd, because without Crowe, this event would surely derail before we left the Hub parking lot. The honorable barrister, David Crowe, does not know that he has been appointed the head of the organizing committee for the First Ever, Fifth Annual Dirt Road World Championships of the World, yet. Thankfully, he has Rainman as his right-hand Rainman, so we'll all be ok. He's going to give a speech about riding at your own risk, and assuming all risk, in lawyer-y speak. Plus, we all know he just likes to talk in the bullhorn.

And please do pay attention when he talks - because you really do assume all risk, etc etc. This is a fun race, completely for fun and by fun, presented by ouch, so don't be a dumb dumb - look both ways at the crossings, ride on the right side of the road on the dirt when visibility is low, and in general - just be safe. Pretty please.

There Will Be CASH!

Not much, but something. There will be an entry fee of FIVE DOLLARS.

Is that fair? Good.

Purse will be split equally between men and women. Winner take all. Well, half.

If you can't manage the entry, we will take applications for Riders In Need of Outside Help, Because 5 Dollars Is A Lot Of Money For An Amazing Once In A Lifetime Day (or, RINOOHB5DIALOMFAAOIALD for short), which will be read and deliberated over by the organizing committee (that is, Crowe and Rainman). If they determine that you are a deserving case, you can expect 50% off the entry fee, but you have to pay in nickels. That money will then go to the purse, which will then be placed in Thomas's back pocket for the entire day. The burden of greatness will weigh heavily on his pockets.

Stretching.

The aspiring Dirt Road World Championships of the World contender should consider stretching. All three of these machines are gifted stretchers, and their exercising resumes reflect that.

There Will Be DIRT.

This event should not be confused with other, more reputable, events like Dirty Kanza or the Gravel Worlds or any number of every single other event out there. We are merely amateurs who like dirt, not gravel. Gravel is unpleasant and bumpy and requires special bikes. We like dirt around these parts, and do everything we can to avoid gravel, so while I might be riding a bike with 32s on it (I'm getting old and this back needs that plush ride), you can handle this on a perfectly normal road bike - just take care on those fast downhills.

I would recommend tubeless tires and/or 28's, or, if you're riding 25s or less, pump those rubber flotation devices to 130+.

The dirt is - in general - in great condition. Most of it is beautiful, hard-packed, yummy dirt. No gravel to speak of. Like I said above - we don't like gravel around here. If you like gravel, go somewhere else. We love DIRT DIRT DIRT!!!

Come Ride With These Four Stunners!

All four of these extremely mediocre bicycle exercisers will be in attendance. Paul (second from right) doesn't even know that he's taking part in the First Ever, Fifth Annual Dirt Road World Championships of the World yet. Gosh, he's in for a surprise!

Edit: You can only ride with three of these four stunners. The first one - that's Ryan Knapp - he has a previous engagement with a 'guest'. Guess we will see him at the First Ever, Third Annual Dirt Road World Championships Of The World - in 2026. That's why he isn't smiling.

Edit: I'm revising this original post from 2017, so, in fact, you can now only ride with TWO of these stunners, of which it's probably debatable whether they can be described as stunners at all. I digress.

There Will Be Donkeys.

I think. I can't remember seeing any on our preview ride yesterday, but I'm pretty sure they're out there.

If All Goes Well...

You'll look like this at the end of the day. But smiling, so don't worry! I mean, what could possibly go wrong?

You Won't See This.

But it's a cool picture, and you'll be near-ish to it, but it's a little too far away for the purposes of this ride. We have to stay focused!

There Will Be Mechanicals.

So bring some tubes and tools and such - and a phone. In general though, always assume that you'll have to take care of yourself. I'm looking at you, John Butler (see right image).

There Will Be Creek Crossings!

There will be two. Hopefully, you will not have to walk across.

There Could Even Be Swimming!

Hopefully, we don't get a replay of the Infamous Crowe Creek Crossing from 2018, but it's well worth revisiting the hilarity of a crossing gone bad in the most memorable creek crossing we've ever seen. Note: this is NOT how this crossing looks on a normal day. This was - so far - a once in a lifetime sight.

For the normal creek crossing vibe - see the set just before this - it's the top left image.

There Will Be DOGS.

Rural Georgia homeowners do not believe in fences or chains. They saw Braveheart a long time ago and agreed with William Wallace: FREEDOM! Dogs exist in their natural, domesticated state - that is, without anything to hold them back. They often enjoy the pastime of chasing bicycle exercisers. Notably: there is a wild and free dog in the first minute of the race route - BE CAREFUL! It likes running in front of bikes.

There Will Not Be Darkness

At least, I really, really hope not.

There will be darkness in the heart of David Crowe though - that never goes away. Eternal night.

In Summation.

You should come out and ride bikes with us. It's going to be a blast, and it's possible this won't happen again, because I am - for sure - the world's worst event organizer!